Push

Somedays

You have to let yourself CRY

Let yourself question circumstances

Close your eyes and replay the conversations and accusations

Then

You get up

Dry your eyes

Take action

Drop to your knees and pray

Make the choice to PUSH through the darkness and heaviness

Set your course and move forward in faith

The lesson that I've learned is that more answers in prayer come from faithfulness in the midst of the storm than from moments of despair.

Seek and Pursue

I read this post today and it struck a nerve with me. My heart has been struggling with letting go of a deep hurt. This hurt feels like an 80 pound weight and although I understand forgiveness and that it's not an option, I can't seem to let go of the hurt without wanting to confront the one that inflicted it.


I understand that I can't control what others think of me or how they may choose to portray me and my family. I can't stop someone from lying about me. If someone feels that I have wronged them and then chooses to give their version of how things happened without coming to me, then I understand that I need to be the one to work at correcting the situation. 

I read this verse, 

                                  

I Peter 3:11  

Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

I was reminded that forgiveness isn't an option.. God tells me to seek peace and PURSUE it. So there it is.. I have to let the hurt go. I must choose to do what Christ did for me- 

Forgive without an explanation, Love as if no wrong was done to me. 

So amazing how He helps us to see things His way.. Isn't it?

Focus

In the middle of long, trying battle.. It's sometimes easy to get weary and wonder if things will ever get better. Sometimes the answers come in ways that we don't expect. We have to be focused on the One who fights our battles for us or we might miss the lesson that we should be learning. We could overlook the blessing and miracles that are what we need and always better than what we think that we want.

Dreams Realized

Psalms 30:5 

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

This past Sunday, I watched my husband stand in front of small congregation, where he shared his testimony. My husband has lived an interesting life.. I love hearing stories about his many adventures. I listen...wide-eyed at the edge of my seat!

What many people don't know... are about the many disappointments, hurts, and losses that he has endured. Due to learning disabilities, he was unable to participate in sports and it even held him back when he wanted be a Navy Seal. He always could pass the physical portions with minimal effort, but when it came to the classroom learning and tests, he struggled and would be held back from living out his dreams. Dan had strong resolve and would always push forward and find a new goal to reach, dream to live... he never dwelt on what he couldn't do, but instead looked ahead.

His strong will and determination where tested yet again, when he experienced the death of his brother in a work accident and then less than two years later, the loss of his father, from cancer. He was reeling from the pain of losing the two closest men in his life, but he pushed forward, again and again.

Again in life, he experienced great loss when his first wife left and then within months, he had to make a difficult decision to close his business and go to work for someone else. Dan and I met  and we had hopes and dreams of a great life together. Listen to me when I say this...WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING and we have a great marriage. We made the decision from day one that we would put God first, NEVER consider divorce, and be more than just spouses, we would be a companion to one another. I'm not saying that it's been a fairytale, but we have to remind ourselves of the vows that we made before God and our family.

In the three and a half years that we've been married.. we have dealt with legal issues, the loss of our home ( God intervened and we were able to short sale), the loss of our income, and my mom suffering a stroke. BUT GOD.. He has proved Himself faithful and provided over our needs. We are currently in the middle of making many heart wrenching decisions and desperately seeking God's direction for our lives.

I sat on the front row of a small church this past weekend.. I listened with tears in my eyes as I heard my husband encourage the congregation. He told them "I'm not here to tell you that when you make the decision to follow Jesus that your life will be easy, but I know this, He will carry you through. We are far from a place where I can tell you that I understand the things that I've been through or why we haven't seen the answers to some of our most desperate prayers. But we remind ourselves that God has a plan and He will uphold the righteous."

It has been a deep desire of my husbands to share his testimony and God's Word with others. So in the middle of all this uncertainty, my heart overflowed with joy. I was reminded that when we face trials and storms in life, God is with us and He is at work, even when we don't see it. He is always faithful!

Someday

Someday, My Love.. 

We won't have to worry about what the next step is for our lives

We won't have to make hard choices about the ones we love

We won't take shifts sleeping, but we'll both sleep the whole night through

We will look back and know that this time in our lives made us stronger as a couple, stronger as individuals, and most importantly.. Stronger as followers of Christ

Someday...

A Day For Love

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. 
Barbara de Angelis

Take time to cherish the ones that you love... let the stresses of life wait for another day. 

Happy Valentine's Day, Y'all.

Words

Words I would love to hear:  "Hi Aim.. it's me, Mom." I miss conversations with my mom. I think back and wish that I had asked her more questions about her childhood, about what she still hoped for and dreamed about in life, about how to be a good wife and mother... so many questions.

If your mom is alive and you can communicate.. don't take that privilege lightly. If you aren't communicating, start. If the relationship is strained or broken.. fix it.

I have faith that my mom will regain her speech.. I will be able to ask those questions. For now, I just pray and I cherish every moment that I have with her...  You should do the same.