Seek and Pursue

I read this post today and it struck a nerve with me. My heart has been struggling with letting go of a deep hurt. This hurt feels like an 80 pound weight and although I understand forgiveness and that it's not an option, I can't seem to let go of the hurt without wanting to confront the one that inflicted it.


I understand that I can't control what others think of me or how they may choose to portray me and my family. I can't stop someone from lying about me. If someone feels that I have wronged them and then chooses to give their version of how things happened without coming to me, then I understand that I need to be the one to work at correcting the situation. 

I read this verse, 

                                  

I Peter 3:11  

Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

I was reminded that forgiveness isn't an option.. God tells me to seek peace and PURSUE it. So there it is.. I have to let the hurt go. I must choose to do what Christ did for me- 

Forgive without an explanation, Love as if no wrong was done to me. 

So amazing how He helps us to see things His way.. Isn't it?

Focus

In the middle of long, trying battle.. It's sometimes easy to get weary and wonder if things will ever get better. Sometimes the answers come in ways that we don't expect. We have to be focused on the One who fights our battles for us or we might miss the lesson that we should be learning. We could overlook the blessing and miracles that are what we need and always better than what we think that we want.

Dreams Realized

Psalms 30:5 

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

This past Sunday, I watched my husband stand in front of small congregation, where he shared his testimony. My husband has lived an interesting life.. I love hearing stories about his many adventures. I listen...wide-eyed at the edge of my seat!

What many people don't know... are about the many disappointments, hurts, and losses that he has endured. Due to learning disabilities, he was unable to participate in sports and it even held him back when he wanted be a Navy Seal. He always could pass the physical portions with minimal effort, but when it came to the classroom learning and tests, he struggled and would be held back from living out his dreams. Dan had strong resolve and would always push forward and find a new goal to reach, dream to live... he never dwelt on what he couldn't do, but instead looked ahead.

His strong will and determination where tested yet again, when he experienced the death of his brother in a work accident and then less than two years later, the loss of his father, from cancer. He was reeling from the pain of losing the two closest men in his life, but he pushed forward, again and again.

Again in life, he experienced great loss when his first wife left and then within months, he had to make a difficult decision to close his business and go to work for someone else. Dan and I met  and we had hopes and dreams of a great life together. Listen to me when I say this...WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING and we have a great marriage. We made the decision from day one that we would put God first, NEVER consider divorce, and be more than just spouses, we would be a companion to one another. I'm not saying that it's been a fairytale, but we have to remind ourselves of the vows that we made before God and our family.

In the three and a half years that we've been married.. we have dealt with legal issues, the loss of our home ( God intervened and we were able to short sale), the loss of our income, and my mom suffering a stroke. BUT GOD.. He has proved Himself faithful and provided over our needs. We are currently in the middle of making many heart wrenching decisions and desperately seeking God's direction for our lives.

I sat on the front row of a small church this past weekend.. I listened with tears in my eyes as I heard my husband encourage the congregation. He told them "I'm not here to tell you that when you make the decision to follow Jesus that your life will be easy, but I know this, He will carry you through. We are far from a place where I can tell you that I understand the things that I've been through or why we haven't seen the answers to some of our most desperate prayers. But we remind ourselves that God has a plan and He will uphold the righteous."

It has been a deep desire of my husbands to share his testimony and God's Word with others. So in the middle of all this uncertainty, my heart overflowed with joy. I was reminded that when we face trials and storms in life, God is with us and He is at work, even when we don't see it. He is always faithful!

Someday

Someday, My Love.. 

We won't have to worry about what the next step is for our lives

We won't have to make hard choices about the ones we love

We won't take shifts sleeping, but we'll both sleep the whole night through

We will look back and know that this time in our lives made us stronger as a couple, stronger as individuals, and most importantly.. Stronger as followers of Christ

Someday...

A Day For Love

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. 
Barbara de Angelis

Take time to cherish the ones that you love... let the stresses of life wait for another day. 

Happy Valentine's Day, Y'all.

Words

Words I would love to hear:  "Hi Aim.. it's me, Mom." I miss conversations with my mom. I think back and wish that I had asked her more questions about her childhood, about what she still hoped for and dreamed about in life, about how to be a good wife and mother... so many questions.

If your mom is alive and you can communicate.. don't take that privilege lightly. If you aren't communicating, start. If the relationship is strained or broken.. fix it.

I have faith that my mom will regain her speech.. I will be able to ask those questions. For now, I just pray and I cherish every moment that I have with her...  You should do the same.

Now It's Your Turn

I saw this 2011 Year End Recap on Amanda's Blog over at Baby Bangs and I thought it was a great idea...


So here is my year in a nutshell.. in case you're interested, or maybe you're not. But in any case...read below.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?


Ran a 5K.. on Thanksgiving Day, The Gruene Turkey Trot


2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I really didn't make any resolutions last year... I was just focused on keeping my sanity!


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


My sister-in-law, Erin gave birth to a sweet baby boy, Logan. 


4. Did anyone close to you die?


My husband had two older men, that have been long, time friends and mentors pass away this year, unexpectedly. The best part is that he was able to share Jesus with them in the time close to their deaths.


5. What countries did you visit?


I didn't have the chance to travel internationally this year.. I did visit Minnesota and Ohio for the first time. Does that count?


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?


Stability in our home... 2011 was a year of major transition and trust in God for each step and breath. Also, I am fervently praying for peace in a relationship that affects our home. 


7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?


February 4th.. We finally got to see our boys after a long separation. 


8. What was your biggest achievement for the year?


I would have to say that implementing running into my life was a BIG achievement for me... I'm not as fast as I'd like to be, but I'm farther along this year than I was last year!


9. What was your biggest failure?


Becoming disheartened and losing faith that God is still at work in our lives and the restoration of my mom's health.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


None at all!  Thank you, Jesus!


11. What was the best thing you bought?


I bought a collage frame and framed the pictures from our trip to Ohio


12. Where did most of your money go?


We were very frugal this year.. We did take a few trips.


13. What did you get really excited about?


My Mom and Dad came for a visit and for Rock the Range in Denver... great two weeks!


14. What song will always remind you of 2011?


"Great I Am" by Jared Anderson


15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder?


Happier!


-Thinner or fatter?


My goal for 2012 is to find balance here. I was at different times thinner and fatter than I needed to be in 2011.


-Richer or poorer?


Not richer.. but that will change in 2012


16. What do you wish you'd done more of?


Kept in touch with friends.


17. What do you wish you'd done less of?


Worry.


18. How did you spend Christmas?


We had Dan's family here for Christmas and I really wanted to make some memories with them. It snowed on the 22nd.. about a foot and a half! The snow began the night before and we all took a long walk in the snow and went Christmas caroling to our neighbors. Since we are kind of spread out around here, the neighbors were so shocked that we'd walked in the snow. But it was beautiful and definitely one for the memory books. 


19. What was your favorite TV program?


Revenge.... Dan and I have both become quick fans and always try to watch together!


20. What were your favorite books of the year?


The Help by Kathryn Stockett


21. What was your favorite music this year?


New Life Worship, Adele, and Bruno Mars


22. What were your favorite films of the year?


The Help and Courageous


23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?


I turned 36 on August 20th.. My mom and dad were here and we just spent time together and went to dinner and a movie, The Help.


24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


Less Worry and More Faith.


25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?


Hhhmmmmm.... somewhere between Anthroplogie meets Banana Republic meets thrift store chic??


26. What kept you sane?


Prayer


27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.


That although the road may be rocky right now.. God promised to never leave us, nor forsake us.  I learned that the hard times are sharpening me, making me wiser, and softening my heart for those that are struggling. I also learned that hard times don't just come to those who have sown bad seed.. they come those who will continue to trust in Him and will not give up. Always remember.. God is a Good God and the devil is bad (he is the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy)